| Wow its been a month |
[Dec. 1st, 2005|03:39 pm] |
Last time I updated life was at a low point you could say...
But boy oh boy has all that changed!
Right now my life is honestly the best it has ever been.
School is going great. I have straight A's and I actually enjoy my classes. For my PCT class we started clinicals at the nursing home. 5:45am-10am Monday through Wednesday. At first it was really hard getting used to doing all the dirty work I guess you could call it, but now its a breeze. I finally understand the procedures and I have my own routine down. The residents are soooo incredibly sweet and they thank us all the time. It brings a smile to my face knowing I am doing something to make a difference in someones life. Especically older people because I know that when they pass they will have been living life to the best of their advantage and I was a part of that. Man its awesome I cant even tell you. I mean yes there are some residents whom are mean and rude, but thats expected. It would be hard to live everyday in the same place not being able to care for yourself. The only thing I can do is respect them and treat them just as I would any of the others there. Only 2 weeks of clinicals left and then they can hire us. I cant wait I hope they hire me. I have gotten really good remarks by all the nurses so I am hopeful. Doing something I love and getting paid for it. What could be better? Then in 3 weeks once class is over I can sit for my boards and become certified. That will be the day.
On another note I was really down the past month because I lost basically all of my friends. I had so much drama in my life and it was really brining me down. I decided one night that I couldnt take it anymore and it was all stupid because I am the one who is in control of my life. I have the power to be who I want to be regardless of other people. I left everyone I knew behind and let them go on with life as they know it. Sadly they are all going on a path in the wrong direction and there is nothing I can do about it. For so long I tried to help them, but I realized it wasnt working. They werent worth my time or effort. None of them were willing to change, which makes it next to impossible to help someone. If they want to change they have to do it all on their own. It took a lot of time to come to this realization, but finally I have. I am who I am and no one can change that. I refuse to be brought down by people. I dont need people like that in my life. Losing the people I hung out with on a daily basis was hard. I moved on and slowly started to introduce myself to new people. Now I have a whole new network of friends and I couldnt be happier. Most of them have been going through the same stuff as me so its really nice to have someone there to reassure me. I can only hope that those friends I left behind will look back one day and see that I was trying to help them and realize what they missed out on.
Its been 6 months now since I drank or even went to a party. Wow. That was such a hard thing for me to overcome. So many people looked down upon me because I refused to go out with them on the weekends. Truth is I would much rather be sitting at home alone than out getting wasted. I see no point to it. And once I stopped drinking I realized that my life started to fall into place. My foucs and outlook o n life changed completley. It is amazing how such a simple change can have such a darastic outcome. Drinking is not for me and I am for sure not the person I want to be when I was drinking. It got me no where in life and I am proud to say that is all a thing of my past. A chapter ended and a this is only the beginning of a new window of opportunities for me.
Annnnd! I have started going to church. Amanda and Kortney invited me to start going to CCV with them. I decided sure why not! So I went and absolutely loved it there. The people are so friendly and everyone is willing to help you out. I now go to church every Sunday and it makes me feel so much better. Now that my life is back on track I can turn to God and develop a relationship with Him. He can guide me through life and help me stay on the right path. I wouldnt be here or have came as far as I have if it werent for Him. Again its only the beginning, but I cant wait to see what He has in store for me. I have been talking to my parents about it lately and trying to get them to go with me. So we will see how that goes.
So thats about all for now.
I am so happy and so thankful to have come as far as I have.
<3 Ally |
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| I got accepted! |
[Oct. 31st, 2005|06:44 pm] |
I got accepted to NAU and I am so excited. I can't wait to go there!!! Get away from Phoenix and meet new people and be on my own yay! |
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| La de da |
[Oct. 27th, 2005|12:41 pm] |
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Just one of those days where it doesnt seem a single thing will turn out right. Boy oh boy I hate these days. Not much else to it but that. Oh and friends they ALL suck. |
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| Woot Woot!!! |
[Oct. 20th, 2005|01:24 pm] |
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I can officially say I am 100% content with my life at the moment :-) and it makes me soooo happy to be able to say that. After 3 months I finally got over my ex. Yesssss. He no longer holds the power over me anymore. I wont let him. It is his fault for doing what he did and I shouldnt have to suffer for it. He fucked up and it should hurt him. He gave up something great and to be honest I hope it haunts him for the rest of his life. I am going to make something of myself with or without him in my life. And at the moment not having him in my life is great. In fact I think most of my happiness is because he isnt in my life. I was so upset for so long and he was still a "friend" to me. Now that we dont even talk there is nothing to worry about or nothing to want. Why would I want any of that shit back? Yes, we had some good times and times I will always look back on. But the bad times unfortunately overlook the good. I used to think it was the other way around. But can good memories really cover up the pain he put me through? No way in hell. I was so blind for the longest time, but looking back I see it all different. I dont see how I didnt see all his faults from the beginning. But hey thats what life is all about... learning. I am not going to sit here and say oh I regret it blah blah. You take the experiences you had and learn from them. In the end I have come out such a stronger person. Not to mention it is senior year and so much is going on right now who has time for all that shit? Not me. So for now life is about ME and my future. Not saying I am going to skip out on all the fun. But I am going to stay away from the drama. Oh ya and stick with my new boy and take it slow this time around. Have a fun non serious kind of relationship, although its hard when you get used to one thing. Oh well its time to see a different side to other people. Oh how I am loving life. |
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| Move Along, Move Along |
[Oct. 12th, 2005|08:45 pm] |
So much is going on this week.
Grades close Friday and report cards go home.
I have a major test to makeup before then.
I have two huge essays due for English in the next few weeks
They are stressing me out.
I also have to read a whole book by tomorrow night
Highly doubt that will happen.
Right about now is when my amazing BSing skills need to kick in.
Boys officialy suck.
The ones you want you cant have
The ones you dont want want you.
Why must it always turn out that way?
People suck
They need to get over it and realize the whole world is not out to get them.
And what frustrates me most is they think you can/should solve all their problems
I THINK NOT.
I cant even solve my own let alone someone else.
Life is hecktic right now.
I am beyond stressed.
I think I should crawl into a deep hole and not come out.
Man this week just needs to end.
Although the weekend prob wont be much better
But I will make the most of it.
Homecoming is in 2 weeks.
Ahhhh I need to get tickets and a guest pass.
Parents also officialy suck.
They think they can control every aspect of my life
Including who I can and cant talk to.
Ha they are out of their mind.
Well I am going to go cuz Dan is on the phone.
Later.
Sorry so long. |
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| Update |
[Oct. 8th, 2005|07:51 pm] |
What a week.
So I went on that field trip to Mesa on Thursday. Got up and all ready at the crack of dawn. We had an hour left at Evit before we head back to school and we were eating lunch. All of a sudden I got really light headed and couldnt breathe. So Esther took me to the teacher who took me aside and thats when I started to shake uncontrollably. They had to call 911 and the paramedics came to get me. They started me on oxygen and IV's. My heart rate was way high and I was not getting much oxgyen so they rushed me to the ER. Thankfully Mrs. Johnson went with me cuz I was really scared. In the ER they got me stable but the shaking would not stop. I had the worst headache of my life and couldnt stop shaking. They ran a bunch of blood tests to see if maybe someone had slipped something in my food or if I had an allergic reaction. It all came back negative. So they decided to admit me to the hospital. I was still shaking 9 hours late when I was in my hospital room. So finally they gave me some kind of muscle relaxant that made me feel high it was great. But still the shaking didnt stop. I eventually fell asleep and then woke up a few hours later still shaking. When I woke up my parents had left and I was alone and scared. I dont like to be alone when I am sick and its even worse in a hospital down in Mesa. I watched TV for a while until the nurse came back and gave me more of that med that knocked me out. They wake you up every 2 hours to get vitals. It was miserable. And just as I was falling asleep again the food ppl came in. Blek hospital food is so bland! I ate that and fell back asleep and then my mom came down and stayed the rest of the day with me. Ran more test and still nothing. I still had the worst headache of my life and thought I was going to die. They wanted to keep me there for a few more days to monitor me but since I live an hour and a half away they let me go home. I have to now go back to the neurologist and see what they say. I still feel like shit and have this horrible headache. The shaking has thankfully stopped. I am exhausted and have no energy to do anything, but I wanted to give everyone an update as to what happened. So spending a day and a half in the hospital is no fun at all. Especially when you have to stay the night alone. I hope I get better soon. This is not how I intended to spend my 3 day weekend at all. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 5th, 2005|09:03 pm] |
What a busy day!
-School
-Bank
-Gas
-Shopping!!! I got a pair of gypsy pants (I think thats what they are called) and a cute whit lace shirt to go with them for tomorrow since I have to dress nice. And I got a really cute pair of embrodied jeans. Man all these winter clothes that are out are soooo cute. I want everything. My mom and I are going on a huge shopping trip once she "loses weight" for winter. I am excited. I have 0 winter clothes and in 10 months I am moving to Flagstaff. Thats a problem. Then I got a bra I can wear with my dress on Saturday. Yay!
-Came home and worked on Hamlet. What a confusing play I tell you
-Took a nap like always
-Watched 3 back to back tv shows that was fun
-Cleaned my room and set out what to wear tomorrow
Now I need to get to bed. I have to wake up at 4:30am and be out of my house by 5:30am so I can pick up Alysha and then be at school by 5:45. Eeeeeek. The bus leaves at 6am for Evitt which is in Mesa. All day conference and then we get back at around 2pm. What a day! Long day. Coffee is going to be my best friend tomorrow :-) |
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| Intense |
[Oct. 4th, 2005|06:34 pm] |
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My day was pretty intense if you ask me. There were ups and downs all day long. Which I guess is better than having all downs. Althought all ups would be supreme. Anywho, lets see school was school. I had killer cramps when I woke up I thought I was going to die. Thats never any good. But I FINALLY got all my medical supplies for PCT, which made my day. My stethoscope is neon pink and is pretty much amazing. Then I got the rainbow gait belt which also pretty much rocks. Speaking of which I need to order my scrubs before I forget! School is going great as far as grades and classes. But when it comes to the people basically I want to tell everyone to fuck off and die. I just dont understand why its senior year and people must still act like we are in 8th grade. Grow the fuck up and act your age. Why must you start these rumors and play childish games? It just doesnt make any sense to me what so ever. Lately I only hang out with 3 ppl from school. Esther, Krysten and Ashley. They are my life savers. Without them who knows where I would be. There are other people I hang out with outside of school. Mainly all people in college. Maybe its because they actually act their age. And my parents wonder why I hang out with older people, well hello they dont act like they are 12. Then I came home from school and found out that my date for homecomming is ditching me to go to Lake Powell. Well then I will just leave that at that. I know Powell over a hs homecomming would be more fun, but the point is this person has fucked up more times than they can count and keep on doing it over and over. More of a reason to kick his sad ass to the side. I pretty much think I am done with him. He can live his life and I will go live mine. Lets see who as gone farther by the time I graduate. That would be interesting and I already know that answer. Oh well its his life he can fuck it up as he pleases as long as he leaves me out. So I am thinking about asking a few other guys, but idk if I want to go. I mean I havent ever been to a school dance so what will missing one more hurt? But then and again this is my last chance. Ahhh who knows. Went to the dentist today. I forget how much I HATE it. I wanted to cry while I was in the chair. It doesnt even hurt its just the fact of what they do. Eeeeek. Came home from that and made some home made brownines. They are the best. Took a nap while they cooled. Ended up being a 4 hour nap. It felt pretty good if you ask me. All my naps have been so long lately its ridiculous. Woke up and my mom told me my senior picture proofs came in the mail. Man did they turn out good! I look pretty damn hot if you ask me haha. Talked with the parentals for a while, which guess what turned into a fight. Big shocker there huh? Not. All we do is fight. I think its the fact that I am a senior and they are beginning to realize I will soon be gone. So now they try and hold on and control every aspect of my life they can. I really hate it. I want to just crawl up into a hole and die. Why wont they let me make my own decisions? I am old enough to figure it out, but they dont seem to think so. I am so fed up with them its not even funny. Urgh. 10 months is all I have to say. Thankfully I dont have any homework really. Just study Chapter 12 for PCT. Ok I lied thats a huge chapter that I have to study a lot. Grrrr. Well thats all. Better get to studying or else it will never get done. |
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| New me |
[Oct. 3rd, 2005|09:43 pm] |
Today I decided to start new.
I deleted myspace, made a new AIM name, new email name, deleted my old greatest journal and I now have a livejournal. Crazy I know but I was sick and tired of dealing with all the drama. So I decided to put an end to it all. I really dont have a lot to say. And being that no one has the link to this yet I will leave this as is. |
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